I am not a great fan of the instant.
I prefer my coffee brewed, the noodles cooked for more than a mere 2 minutes, and I don’t do crash diets.
So it’s only natural that I am not a great fan of instant gratification either. I neither expect it, nor give it.
I feel, the easier the gain, the less satisfying the enjoyment.
Something I try and drill into O. There is no start early enough to learn this.
I know people who even before signing off a job expect a deluge of fan mail. Those who start off helping others, already calculating how much longer before they reap the benefits of their magnanimity.
Probably because I’ve always worked for what I get or have – yes, everybody does, I know. But humour me and read on. I never find the 50 buck in an old jean pocket, don’t win lotteries or lucky draws and in ‘everyone is a winner’ raffle, my number would somehow be missed.
My sisters and I have similar experiences. My mum always brushes off our claims of being unlucky, saying we are LUCKIER than MOST as we are NEVER short of opportunities, ALWAYS manage to land on our feet and we all four have a reputation for PERSEVERENCE, even if BRILLIANCE eludes us.
She also gives us the ‘What you’ve earned is forever yours. What comes easy is always suspect’ line.
Easy for her to say, since she has four daughters who are greatly influenced by her, and rarely go against her word; and that she has never had to go out and make a living.
The minute you step out of the security of your home and family, you expose yourself to not just greater gains, but greater risks, too.
You expose yourself to objectivity – both the appreciation and the criticism.
However, Amma’s words are not quite lost on me.
I do believe I am lucky. Not just in terms of the friends I have, the family I was born into and chosen for myself, the babies… my job. In the 15 years of employments, the number of days I hated getting to work (not office, work) would be about a dozen, give or take a few.
I am quite sure that the reason I’ve been happy in my jobs is that I don’t expect instant gratification.
(No, that isn’t my glowing halo blinding you. It probably is my bottled up negativity and depression struggling to get out, flashing its light on your face.)
Yes, I have been bitterly disappointed, terribly upset and uncontrollably angry, several times in the last 15 years.
Eight out of 10 times, I count to 10 or 1000, sleep over it, and wait out the negativity.
The rest of the time, I would throw a tantrum, or try feebly to politick. I do the first successfully, but end up feeling stupid. I succeed somewhat in the second, but am so consumed with guilt, the politicking becomes ineffective.
Even as I write this, I know the wait will pay off. That ‘delayed’ gratification may after all be richer. Yet, I can’t shake off that heaviness in the pit of my stomach. Probably because this year has somewhat been more taxing than earlier.
I plan to be prepared, but usually prepare for delays and some diversions. However, the plans have gone awry way too often, and though I see the signs of treasures all around me, reminding me it was all worth it, I still want it EASY once in a while. I want my pot of gold without having to wait too long, or to work too hard for it. I want it easy, without losing an ounce of the benefit.
I want the improbable, the impossible… I want it nice and quick, here and now.