Why do intelligent women get cheated on? Or why are some folks easier than 1,2,3…

 And what would you do in a ‘not-so-ideal’ marital situation?
Humour me and answer some of the questions I pose.

I keep reading about it amongst celebrities, I have seen it amongst friends and acquaintances. About 90% of infidelities are about intelligent women being cheated upon. Or real nice guys being cuckolded.

Why?

Last night I was reading Elizabeth Edwards interview with Oprah, on her husband John Edwards’ public and painful extramarital affair, and that too when she was battling cancer.

Yet, the woman doesn’t come across as a doormat or someone to be pitied. She seems strong and very much in control of the situation. But how does she wake up every morning to the face – albeit a handsome one – that caused her that much embarrassment and humiliation?

And what about the obviously fake marriage the Clintons parade? Why would an intelligent, accomplished woman like Hillary put up with that kind of shit? Did she really need the Clinton tag to succeed?

Why do men cheat on intelligent women?

And why do women cheat on nice guys?

The dumb women have faithful husbands, and the nasty men have devoted wives… it’s not a generalisation, except that it probably is!

 

I am sure we are not without temptations. There must be that other guy who makes you check your make-up twice; the one that makes you feel sexy; the woman who reaffirms your masculinity; the one who laughs at the jokes your wife finds insipid.

 

I am quite sure we all come across people (other than our spouses) who make us feel good about ourselves.

 

But is that the cue to jump into bed with the next available flirty-jack or frisky jane?

 

Extramarital affairs happen all the time. There is no denying that.

 

But would YOU put up with it?

 

Call me old-fashioned, but if you are married you better make sure little-johnny doesn’t go wandering, and you don’t allow trespassers on your territory.

If there are children involved, it’s all the more reason to maintain faith.

 

If you are in an oppressive or unhappy relationship, break it off before you go seeking greener pastures.

 

Easier said than done I am sure… and I am only saying.

 

I tell R if he cheats on me out of lust, I will forgive him. But if he falls in love with another, I will hunt him down.

 

That brings me to this next — what is the deal with multiple-wives? It is not rare to see polygamous families here. And invariably the children as SO SCREWED UP and out of control.

I wonder how the wives resist the temptation to poison each other or their husband.

 

Would YOU be a co-wife?

 

I have a few friends who are open about being the ‘other woman’, and say they don’t believe in marriage, and if the wife has a problem she should take care of it. Actually the husband should take care of it!

 

Would YOU be the other woman?

 

And if you absolutely must cheat on your husband or wife, who would it be with? Just a hypothetical question.

 

PS: And to the last question, my answer is Stephen King. Not only because I am in love with him, and I love a man who can weave a story, but also because I am pretty sure he will scare me back to my family.
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20 thoughts on “Why do intelligent women get cheated on? Or why are some folks easier than 1,2,3…

  1. Sonia says:

    Most married couples I know, who are not happy are that way because both individuals are habitually unhappy people. They would be unhappy about their jobs, their bosses, their houses- nothing ever pleases them- including their spouse. So the wife becomes unattractive, the husband not successful or charming enough. And instead of trying to like or appreciate what they have, they search for who they think is the sexier woman. Such people, who trust the social definition of a good marriage, and not each other- they will never be happy. Happy, fulfilled people make happy marriages. My opinion only 🙂

  2. Sonia says:

    Sorry to swamp your space- but I love my display pucture- the three eyed monster. So with this extra eye I keep vigil on my husband so that he doth not stray 😀

  3. UmmON says:

    @ sonia, very true, some people are chronically dissatisfied and unhappy. actually more women than men are that way. maybe we are under more pressure on all fronts.
    but totally agree with your analysis. you can’t seek perfection in relationships, be it friendships or marriages.

  4. Navina says:

    My only comment is that, i personally do not care if it was lust or love, if you stray, you stray- I do not believe that human beings in this stage of evolution are incapable of keeping their junk in their trunk. If they did not… it meant it was a matter of time before it happened.. some other place… some other time…

    • UmmON says:

      but every time i go back home to madras, i am surprised by how permissive people are. i don’t want to sound judgemental, because i am not. as long as they are not messing with me and my life, they are welcome to do what they want. that however doesn’t stop me from being surprised.

  5. shyam says:

    Oh yeah… who I’d cheat with if I HAD to. I’m probably going to be seen as weird, but what the heck – I cant think of anybodz because I’d need to be VERY certain of their… um… personal hygiene first 😀

  6. rekha says:

    hi,

    Thanks for your visit and comments on my blog. I told you, when I read your blog for the first time, I felt as if those were my thoughts which you had penned down. Many of the blogs of yours were on topics on which I wanted to write, infact I was scared to write on them, I thought you would sue me for plagiarism, so I kept all my thoughts to myself. But now that you have also agreed to what I feel, it seems it is some strange connection… Keep writing and keep your valuable comments flowing.. it matters to me a lot….

    thanks once again
    Rekha

  7. Deeps says:

    The answer to the last question would be George Clooooney or is it Roger Federer…ok let me think again and will tell you tonite when we meet 😆

    The first two questions ..nooooo

    “I tell R if he cheats on me out of lust, I will forgive him. But if he falls in love with another, I will hunt him down.”…really,umm???you have a BIG heart…for me love or lust either ways,I WILL hunt him down and I’m strongly vocal about it to him…quite regularly 😀

  8. imemyself says:

    i agree with Deeps and here i find it really really difficult to agree with UmmON… how the hell will anyone know what the reason was, irrespective of what is told later?

    • UmmON says:

      deeps/am, i do think sex and love are 2 different things. what i’ve seen and heard, men can just have sex without it meaning a great deal. if there is a one off incident and r goes astray, i don’t think i will find it difficult to forgive him. of course i would use it as a trump card whenever i wish.
      in fact, i’ve given him permission for 1 indiscretion (no more) but he has neither commented on it, not reciprocated the offer 😉

      ps: what frankenstein monster will be unleashed if hypothesis turns reality, i am not quite sure.

      • imemyself says:

        1. i agree with the fact about men, yes for them love and sex are two different cups of tea. but not for us, women, especially from the sub-continent.

        2. i am sure that there is no possiblity of anyone going astray, given the permission to do so.. .and we, the possessive better halves, will only “give” that space when we are very very sure of what we are giving away…
        even after 18+ years of marriage and 23 yrs 10 months of being together, i can spot the female who B could be ogling at… and so can he… and many fights in history have happened on the sin of plain ogling, leave alone jumping to bed!!!

  9. Sindhu says:

    Now I have to comment! I think to err is human and if the incidence(of cheating) happens once and if he is really sorry, I will forgive him…(I hope K doesn’t see this!)
    I too feel there are no perfect marriages it is how we think about it. Men are born to ogle and women born to feel jealous. In our case, we both ogle and we both get jealous too, we are so oddly possesive of each other…and we fight too, but I like it this way!

  10. Just call me 'A' says:

    Love or lust….you cheat, you’re out. I have to be the one and not the other!

    while marraige is not perfect, straying into someone else’ pants is taking the imperfection too far and for granted. everyone knows that cheating on your spouse is not cool…but a lot of people still do it. either the person is very naive and expect he/she will be forgiven or the person is very smart and expects to get away with it………it is not OK to say that, “i don’t know how it happened”. I believe everyone makes the choice with some level of conciousness in their head. The only difference is which “head” one was reasoning with? to get/feel tempted is part of human nature….it’s how we react to such temptations that defines our action and distinguish us from the cheater and the non cheater.

  11. ammani says:

    Trouble with such hypothetical questions (as I remember mentioning in an earlier blog somewhere when such a q was posted) is that we really don’t know (at least not me) how we will react unless actually confronted with it.

  12. the mad momma says:

    Once upon a time, loooong ago I wrote this very post. And things have changed – well not in my life, but I’ve seen so many marriages fall apart thanks to cheating and I’ve seen the cheating up close and now I cant even use that word anymore. Its not that they’re ‘permissive’ – I feel the word has negative connotations… and once you’ve been in there you realise there is a lot of pain and hurt on both sides, but rarely is there any malice. did i make sense? i guess not.

    • Solilo says:

      Umm, I came here to write something very similar to MM’s view on this issue.

      I am still very vocal about once you cheat you are out but I see myself giving such situations of people more thought than I did when I was say 21 or even 25.

      Now when I hear cheating or infidelity first thing I do is to analyze the people involved. If I know them personally, it is easier. I agree that there is absolutely no excuse to cheat but still there is this factor ‘why’ at times. Perfectly fine houses and still people cheat. Why? Lust? Love? No idea.

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