I know what superpower I WANT.
Even though I am pretty sure it will drive me totally over the edge or unhinge my flailing sanity completely.
I want to be able to see myself from others’ eyes – literally and figuratively.
I want this knowing very well it would screw me up totally.
But isn’t that what makes for a good junkie… for the momentary high and feeling of power you don’t mind messing with your body and soul.
It’s not that I am oblivious to how I am perceived. But having the superpower will at best confirm the doubts or at worst shatter my ego.
So when O sees a disciplining me, does she see a monster head or a mother’s concern?
N sees a vending machine or an obsessive mum?
Do my friends see a trusty friend or a needy one?
When colleagues laugh at my ridiculous jokes, are they merely flattering me or is their humour really that pedestrian?
Is the cordiality an appraisal-ruse or a genuine camaraderie?
And when I am wearing what I consider a good ensemble, are those around me biting down a sarcasm?
When I fake a word of praise, am I found out?
When I pretend honesty, what happens?
What DOES R see?
… the list is endless and grows with every passing minute, every conversation, every exchange.
And it is quite clear why some people are more prone to madness than the rest.