like this evening. i’ve had an exceptionally tough few weeks. unbelievable work pressure, O falling ill, petty politics…
and not to mention grappling with unsolicited judgements on my mothering and home-making skills.
and through it all, the lack of friends i’m used to and can trust, didn’t help.
i know one part of the problem is entirely my fault — i started ignoring the firm, clear line i have always drawn between the personal and professional. i’ve been thinking about it, and i realised that my hormones went for a toss during my pregnancy, and the lines blurred, the tongue loosened. i never got the focus back. time to get back in control. NOW.
but meanwhile, i have a few (very few), carefully selected friends here. i can’t call them best friends. but they are MY FRIENDS.
Not friends because our spouses get along, or because our children are buddies, or because in an alien land, ‘friend’ is the tag you give to people whom you don’t dislike.
just MY friends.
today one of them came to my rescue. when i dashed off a mail full of self-pity on how since 2007 I haven’t had a proper holiday because i’ve been too busy working, being pregnant and handling a new-born; and as much as i love all the good things happening to me, i was TIRED!
instead of binning the mail or giving a courtesy reply, she gave me options (i haven’t taken her permission to reproduce this, but i am sure she won’t mind):
1. If you are in the mood for a drive, and like being driven around while you just sit and listen to easy music – you just sit and I’ll do the driving!
2. If you think flavored tea or coffee sounds a better idea – let’s do that.
3. If you want to just come out and be grumpy and not say much – let’s do that.
4. If you want to go out and eat whatever feels sinful – let’s do that.
5. If you want to go to a salon and have someone just give you a head massage while you doze off – let’s do that – my treat.
6. If you have better ideas – I am all ears.
we didn’t do 3 and 5; 6 was not required, her ideas were fantastic enough. and as for 1, i did the driving.
so we spent a wonderful 3+ hours driving and chatting. and spoke of the silly, the important, the good, the bad. my kids with the baby-sitter, hers with her husband.
i hardly spoke of what really bothered me, but by the end of the evening, i felt refreshed. no answers really to the million things worrying me, but lots of leads.
i am going to be easier on myself;
i will wait for my daughters to grow up and pass judgement on me (so, no thank you, all!);
will redraw the line, a little softer this time;
tighten the tongue a bit, but not too much — because now it’s a matter of survival;
i will say no, and i WILL slack off a bit — i DESERVE it;
& while i am at it, i am going to go easy on judging others too. live & let live.