From all this drama, self-doubt, anger and sadness, I know I will find valuable lessons buried deep inside these experiences. I will find truth and some lies, I will realise the foolishness of my financial decisions and I will even find lots to laugh about. Just not yet–it will be a while before all the good emerges, giving me wet, sloppy kisses; embracing me in the warmth of change.
Right now it is time to be self-indulgent and wallow in yo-yoing emotions.
However, it’s amazing for someone considered blunt, often rude and nitpicky to have the kind of friends I do.
Like this morning I was woken up with these two sms-es from K.
“Hey just to remind you that it’s a brand new day–that’s in case you have rented part of your mind to the same pesky tenants who live in mine — You know those guys who whisper annoying doubts even when I know I’ve done the right thing :). New is good. It is. Just wanted to say have a great day.
“…Everything you were, you still are. Know that. You can and you will make new stuff happen. For now just believe and breathe 🙂 — ok and fall apart and go crazy in 30 second installments if you must…”
And last evening, A wrote:
“…no one can take away from what you’ve achieved. That will always remain yours.”
Not all my friends can weave magic with words — but every one of them creates magic all the same. The calls (V, S, RJ, TSu), the virtual hugs, the ego-boosting compliments (even if they are way over-the-top with only a thin semblance to facts – thanks RK/S for the late night call), and the simple, ever-effective ‘are you ok?’ (C)…
We don’t realise that seemingly unrelated experiences chip in to help you think clearer. Like last week I attended a writing workshop conducted by Randa Abdel-Fattah. The writing exercises she suggested, some of which are therapeutic, help me now.
Letters. Those that I will never send or post. Letters to people who do not know how to separate the personal from the professional. People who are so consumed by their ‘victimisation’ they fail to see the bigger picture. People who deserve an apology. People who should apologise. Letters of reason, anger, sadness, bitchiness… Letters that will never find a reader.
Remembrances. Randa also got us to do an ‘I remember’ exercise. Just a list of things we remember, each sentence and thought starting with ‘I remember’. So I’ve been remembering the absolutely wonderful, fantastic, great things that keep happening to me. In writing all those ‘I remembers’, I realise there are so few occasions or incidents that I need to regret or feel badly about. For me, now, the ‘I remembers’ are so much more powerful than the Letters.(These 2 exercises are great ways to kickstart a writing cue. To bring back focus to a story you write. So if you have a manuscript going, these could be good exercises to do.)