I am tired of 2011. Just stop being a pest will you? Since my (Tamil) new year begins next week, I am hoping there is a big, big turn around. I mean a BIG one.
It’s just been too crazy, and I know for every awful thing that has happened to me the past 3 months, there is at least an equivalent good thing. Still…
I am trying hard to focus on the good things, to be grateful, but all I can be at the moment is VERY, VERY, ANGRY. Not just at the freakishly crazy and painful things that have happened to me and mine; but also angry and upset that children are fair game in stupid ego hassles that involve adults. That’s just incredibly sad.
I can go on, and even manage to garner a lot of sympathy, for the shit the last 3 months have thrown at my face… But I’ll stop here.
Because more important things are happening around the world — genocide, murder in the name of liberation, and one old man trying to change the wretchedness of what our country accepts.
So now I am going talk about the lovely little things that happen in my life, that make me smile, and tell me my life is more good than not.
Have been going to the volunteers-run kennel for abandoned animals to dog walk. Must say, though it was my idea, it’s O who drags me out there on a Friday morning. What a wonderful start to the day, running and sweating it out with a bunch of crazy barkies and your girls. Though it’s just been a couple of weeks, I can see it becoming a routine.
Just when you fear stereotypes — your 9-year-old worrying about breasts, obsessing about Hannah Montana — she surprises you by spending as much time playing football or cricket with her girl friend. Just when you worry her lil heart is too tender for deliberate slights, she ends up consoling you, saying it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t feel so bad.
That no matter what the interest in dress up and make up maybe, she can’t wait to get back to her book.
And then you spend a lazy evening watching MMKR with the kids, and a flood of memories gets you into a state of hysterical mirth, demanding a late night call to a friend in Amsterdam to discuss the waistcoast tip we borrowed from Khushboo.
Then you have 2 little people entertaining themselves like only toddlers can:
You go into work, and despite living a dream job, you are plagued by self doubt.. then you see tiny bits of genius from your team. Like this soda can etching done by one of my designers. Every time I pass this neat piece of workmanship, I can’t help but smile.
And despite all this, there are evenings when you feel too desperate and too depressed, and can’t quite see the point of it all… when everything seems bleak. That’s when big mama presents you a burst of colour:
So something like this, one after another, should be taken in my stride, right? A reasonable enough blip? But I never claimed to be reasonable, and i am wallowing in self pity at every opportunity i get, because all I am asking for is 1 uneventful, boring week, without someone getting in and out of hospital, breaking something or losing someone.