**really long, angry, upset and sometimes incoherent rant ahead**
“i am an AMAZING multi-tasker. And I don’t take kindly to remarks like ‘having lots of time on hand’. I call it efficiency. i call it prioritising, work, home, pleasure… it’s not just about babe in arms, child in school, a home, a full-time career and my online buzzing…got the energy, so expending it :)”
**the smiley was not heartfelt. Just put there to temper the vitriol a bit**
That’s what I told someone on fb, who had the cheek to post this on her status line: “V, You seem to have a lot of time on hand. Who takes care of the baby? should get some time management lessons from you…”
I probably over-reacted as I am wont to, and acted all ‘pouncy’ (as a friend described it).
But I am so fed up with comments on this vein, since this is not the first time and it won’t be the last that I hear of this nonsense.
Just because I have a new born, am I supposed to abandon all efforts at a life outside of that?
I am going to give up all pretence of modesty here. I pack in more into a single day than what some wouldn’t manage to even in a week. It’s not all hunky-dory either. I over extend myself, feel fatigued and neglect my health. Those are choices, wise or otherwise, that I am making.
I am not proud or vain about it.
I AM THAT WAY, that’s all.
I have a career, and doing not too badly on that front. I find time for my regular pedicures and waxing. I have a lot of friends, and keep in regular touch with almost all of them. I love to read, and do read a lot. I am enamoured by the internet, and can’t have enough of all that it throws up. I am quite a hands-on mum (and hands-on wife, if you know what I mean ;)).
There I go again with my winky and smiley. GRR! I must learn to communicate better with words, without resorting to emoticons.
Especially since words are my livelihood.
So it really pisses me off when people think I do all this because I have lots of time.
I have the 24hours a day that all of us are entitled to. If I choose to be maniacal about filling every minute of it, it’s my bloody business. If you choose to sit at home with kids and husband the whole day, sweating over their every needs, that’s your ‘career choice’ and I respect that.
I respect it a LOT in fact, because I DON’T cook AT ALL and DON’T keep house too often.
I would rather spend that time lounging with my daughters or playing Scrabble with my husband (that’s what we did when I went into a rather long labour). And when I am not doing any of that, I would rather read, blog, tweet or fb.
What if I turned around and asked: “You are pretty useless aren’t you? You have 24 hours and don’t do much.”
How dare anyone insinuate that I am neglecting my maternal role. “who takes care of your baby?”
Coming from an ‘almost stranger’ I know it’s not concern. We schooled together some 20 years ago, along with a few hundred others. We were not even remotely friendly.
Come home and see for yourself. My children, husband and home are all well taken care of. The non-critical tasks like cooking and cleaning I’ve delegated.
Going back to the question that has got me all fired up: Indeed, who takes care of my baby(ies)? My husband and I. I manage to do all that I’ve stated above, AND ensure that N is EXCLUSIVELY breastfed. Just as I did for O.
**warning breastfeed rant coming up soon in a blog you know**
I run to and fro office, catch up on calls on the road, make a dozen notes a day to ensure that I don’t slip up with O’s activities, and if a friend needs to chat, I find time for that as well! And as far as work goes, I am living my dream job. I do cry off exercise and health check-ups. Again, I don’t mention this in pride or vanity. I am only reiterating that this is who I am.
Maybe the person made the comment in all innocence. But I am not in a particularly charitable mood. In any case, charity doesn’t sit well on everybody.
The FATTY Factor of my reaction:
The reason I am “pouncy” is because for ever so long, I’ve described myself as a lazy person. This exchange on fb, made me rethink it, and made me angry at myself.
First of all, fat people have a way of dubbing themselves lazy. Come on, it’s not us, but our metabolism that is lazy. It’s almost as if we are explaining why all that extra fat sticks to us. “It’s ‘cos we are LAZY. Sorry.”
Once and for all, here is the final VERDICT that I pass on myself, to myself. I AM NOT LAZY. I just don’t do things I don’t care for. Like cooking and cleaning and visiting people I don’t like and calling people I don’t want to talk to. In these situations, I shamelessly will use and have used the lazy or no time or new-baby card.
I also desist from doing things because of a vague fear – like exercising. I know it’s good, but am too scared of it being ineffective that I drop out before I start. It’s definitely not for lack of time. That’s about the extent of my laziness. The rest of me is all fired up and ready to go.
Want to meet a tight deadline, and then take the kids swimming, then catch up for coffee, get kids into bed, and get back online to chat and tweet? Then you’ve got your girl.
Not because I have all the time in the world, but because I have my priorities set to my liking. (And also because fortunately (for the I in me) or unfortunately (for the wife in me), my husband works evening to night.
So if my kids, husband, family and friends have nothing to complain or comment about, no else has a right to.
PT if you are reading this, it is not a personal attack. I barely know you to make it one. But it’s my personal rant space where I vent, and try to get through to people if possible.